Halloween Safety

Even though I no longer celebrate Halloween for personal reasons, I think it is important for those who do participate in the festivities to do so safely. To that end, I offer this list of tips from Gabrieles Martial Arts. I found it on Zip06.

Trick-or-Treaters
- Carry a flashlight.
- Stay on sidewalks.
- Always stay close to an adult.
- Don't run ahead of the group.
- Know who is around you.
- Try to have a bright costume so people can see you.
- Only go to the houses that are lit.
- It wearing a mask, take it off in between houses for air and good sight.

Parents and Guardians
- Make sure the neighborhood is a familiar one.
- Know exactly who your kids will be with, try to supervise personally.
- Have your child wear a watch they can read in the dark.
- Fill out an emergency contact paper and have your children keep it on them.
- Make sure they know how to reach you.
- Do not let children run ahead without adult supervision.

Homeowners
- Make sure the yard is safe to walk through.
- Put pets in a safe room so they don't get frightened or harmed.
- Use battery-powered ornaments, not real flames.

Where Are the Parents?

The Plush Duck found her soapbox hidden under some clutter in her house and just couldn't resist commenting. If you are offended by strong opinions, you may not wish to continue reading.
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Remember back in 1977 when the popular commercial jingle of a soft drink product was “Wouldn’t you like to be a Pepper, too?” Well, I have some new words for that song:

“I’m a Lemming; He’s a Lemming
She’s a Lemming; We’re all Lemmings.
Wouldn’t You Like to be a Lemming, too?
Be a Lemming.
Be, be a Lemming.
Be a Lemming.
Be, be a Lemming.”

Or maybe this tune by Peter, Paul, and Mary would be more appropriate. The words are mine, of course:

“Where have all the parents gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the parents gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the parents gone?
Remained in childhood every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?”

Harsh comparisons and harsh words, you say? Well, I sincerely apologize for the harshness, but not for wondering why my so many of my contemporaries, like lemmings vaulting over a cliff, have abdicated their roles as examples for their children. Just examine these situations if you need some anecdotal evidence. Frankly, I am appalled at the attitudes exhibited by both the parents and the children involved in these incidents, not to mention some of the school officials. Please note that, for clarity, I have posted the school responses in orange, the parent responses in red, and the student responses in yellow.

Hanover, New Hampshire
At the end of the 2006-2007 academic year, nine students from Hanover High School, all seventeen-year-old males, stole keys in order to gain entry to their school and some teachers’ offices after school hours. Their goal: to steal the final exams that were to be administered in their math and chemistry classes. Some students committed the actual theft, while others acted as lookouts in the hallways. After gaining possession of the tests, these young men apparently set up an “answer order system” to distribute exam information to as many as fifty additional students.

The school response (that I agree with, by the way):

School officials opted to alert police rather than suspend the students. After a lengthy investigation, the prosecutor last week brought criminal charges against nine of the students.

Parents were told a decision to go to trial could result in the charges being raised from misdemeanors to felonies, which carry possible prison terms of up to seven years.

The parent response:

[One father] said that he never really lectured his kids about academic integrity. He just never saw the matter as one of the biggies, like drugs and drunken driving.

The student response:

“I think they [the school administration] came down way too hard, and they didn’t have to get police involved. Cheating is not such a big deal. It happens everywhere. They [the students] shouldn’t be charged that hard for this little thing." --- Mike Rotch, junior

I mean, seriously, they are good kids and they made a mistake. And I think they know they made a mistake. --- Ethan Forhour, freshman

New London, Connecticut
Several months ago, a local newspaper and the local police obtained a twenty-two minute videotape showing street fights around the city, street fights that involved both teenagers and adults. According to Captain William Dittman of the New London Police Department, the footage shows evidence of criminal behavior ranging from inciting bodily injury to second-degree assault to inciting a riot; hence, the issuance of more than thirty-four arrest warrants, some of which were executed a few days ago when teenagers were arrested at the local high school during school hours. It is important to note that some of the teenagers in question were arrested on multiple warrants, while others were already in prison serving time for other crimes. Upon learning of the arrests, concerned parents gathered at the police station. For the record: I agree with the police department on this one.

The school response:

“We have a population of almost 800 students,” [Principal] Sullivan said. “Certainly this is not representative of us as a school. But just because these students made errors in judgment, we can’t just abandon them.”

“I believe in kids,” said Christopher Clouet, superintendent of schools. “We need to decide where to go from here. Two things I want you to know: First, no one has been suspended because of this. And each student will be dealt with on an individual basis.”

The parent response (all by the same woman):

“I want my damn child out of your jail.”

“It was called childhood when I was growing up.”

The student response:

Returned to freedom after six hours in lockup, a sixteen-year-old told her mother police took her mug shot. [The general tone of the article implied that processing this child as if she was a criminal was, somehow, unacceptable.]

“It was random fights,” she said as she bent on the sidewalk, putting her laces back in her shoes.

Looking at just these two situations, it seems to me that my contemporaries have gone so far over the cliff of “encouraging positive self esteem” in their children that they are either unable or unwilling to distinguish between crime and childhood antics. Like it or not, theft, burglary, and assault are crimes, not childhood pranks or errors in judgment. In the past, these types of behaviors were held up by the community (and parents) for exactly what they are: examples of anti-social behavior. Now, it seems that we can’t refer to these incidents as anything more than simple mistakes for which children should be exonerated, citing always the mantra: “They are good kids.” I disagree.

First, quoting from Romans, chapter 3:

“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands, no one who seeks God. All have turned away, they have together become worthless; there is no one who does good, not even one.”

This leads me to the conclusion that a truly “good” kid (for that matter, a truly “good” person) doesn’t exist. Young people, like the rest of us, are sinful by nature. The best any parent can hope for is a child who listens, learns, and practices wise decision making, the foundation for which is laid in the home. Not only that, but "good" is generally not a descriptor that society applies to individuals who commit crimes.

Second, all choices have consequences and learning works best when those consequences are experienced in a direct way. Unfortunately, some choices carry severe consequences like prison time and death. It is always tragic when people elect to live on the extreme margins of the choice-consequence continuum, but it is especially tragic when young people decide to camp there. Again, the best any parent can hope for is a child who listens, learns, and practices wise decision making, the foundation for which is laid in the home.

But wherein lies that hope? It lies in the preparation for life that parents are supposed to provide for their children. It consists of parental nurturance, instruction, counsel, and discipline. It is demonstrated by parents who enjoy, respect, and love their children; and I mean love in the sense of self-sacrificial commitment, not just warm fuzzy feelings (or the sacrifice of money for parental subcontractors). And, for me, that hope lies in the fact that everyone in this picture, parents and children alike, are guided by the Lord.

Which brings me back to one of my original song-lyric questions: where have all the parents gone?

Counting Mistakes

This past January, late in the month and late at night, a tragic accident occurred a few miles from my home. The result: two dead adults and a deceased teenager. Miraculously, one individual, a second teenager, survived but only by the grace of God (in my opinion). Now, eight months later, the results of the accident investigation have been released and, sadly, they reveal what I suspected all along --- speed, alcohol, and lawlessness.

The first car, an Audi, on loan from a local car dealership because the driver’s own vehicle was in the shop for repairs, was driven by a family man, John Geise, who was returning from his primary job as a butler at the Foxwoods casino. His secondary employer was Prudential Pequot Properties. In an extension of kindness and generosity, Mr. Geise was sharing his ride home with a co-worker, another family man, Wayne Lecardo. Both gentlemen had finished their shifts at the casino around 1:15 AM and were on their way home. Both were sober.

The second car, an Oldsmobile Alero, was driven by sixteen-year-old Cameron Lee, by all accounts an amiable kid who was well known and well liked at the local high school. Unfortunately, being a “great kid” doesn’t necessarily mean you make great decisions, and young Mr. Lee made some doozies in the last few hours of his life:

Mistake #1: underage drinking
On the night of the accident, a few doors down from the Lee home, a seventeen-year-old boy hosted a party for 30-40 of his closest friends from the local high school, unbeknownst to his parents who were absent at the time. According to the teenage attendees, no alcohol was served at this gathering and, if there was, no one saw Cameron Lee imbibe. I guess that explains why Mr. Lee had a blood alcohol level of 0.12, six times the legal limit for a sixteen-year-old kid. By the way, the legal drinking age in Connecticut is twenty-one.

Mistake #2: driving outside the boundaries of his driver’s license
In November 2006, just two months before the accident, Cameron Lee obtained his driver’s license. In Connecticut, a sixteen-year-old driver cannot drive after midnight and cannot take passengers in his car for the first six months, parents and family excepted. The accident occurred at 1:38 am, well beyond the midnight limit. Mr. Lee also had a passenger in the car, as I mentioned previously, another teenager, who miraculously survived the collision with nothing more than an injured ankle (and a lot of unpleasant memories, I’m sure).

Mistake #3: driving under the influence
The police report states that at 12:30 am, the Oldsmobile Alero driven by Cameron Lee was still parked in the driveway of the Lee home. The accident occurred at 1:38 am. The conclusion: sometime between those hours, Mr. Lee took the automobile for a drive. Given the blood alcohol level of the teenager, the assumption is that he left the party given by his friend, returned home, and made the decision to drive to another location, fully aware that he had consumed alcohol. Being sixteen, Cameron Lee probably didn’t want to admit that he was “drunk enough” to impair his responses behind the wheel of a car, but not necessarily “drunk enough” to exhibit obvious outward physical signs of drunkenness; thus, duping him into thinking he was still equipped to take a short drive to the local McDonalds. Given the current state requirements for driver’s education, it is unlikely that Cameron Lee had no understanding of the relationship between drinking and driving as instruction in that subject is mandatory before the issuance of a motor vehicle license (at least in Connecticut); hence, my hesitancy to say something like “he was just a kid and didn’t understand what he was doing.”

Mistake #4: speeding
The computer module from the Lee Oldsmobile was analyzed as part of the accident investigation. It indicated that the car was traveling at 101 mph five seconds before impact; one second before impact, the auto was moving at 89 mph. Apparently, Cameron Lee was doing what all young men dream of doing at some point in their lives --- taking a car to the outer limits of the speedometer. Perhaps he should have reserved that effort for a racetrack and not a dark road in New London County. The Audi he hit was so damaged by the impact of the collision (and the resulting fire) that any accurate record of speed for the vehicle was impossible to obtain.

Mistake #5: driving recklessly during icy road conditions
The early morning hours of January 28, 2007, were quite chilly, meaning that black ice, especially on bridges, was an imminent danger. Not surprising, the accident in question occurred on a freeway overpass. A more experienced driver would have recognized that attempting to control a car at speeds near 90-100 mph on a road that might have treacherous conditions would be well nigh impossible. Sadly, Cameron Lee was not an experienced driver. He was a driver who, if fortunate, had driven in winter conditions while practicing with his driver’s permit; yet, southern Connecticut hasn’t yielded much in the way of difficult driving conditions the past few years due to mild winter weather. Hence, the possibility that Mr. Lee had little skill in handling unexpected poor weather road conditions.

So, five mistakes and three fatalities, not the kind of sum residents wants to count, regardless of the age of the victims. It is a sad official outcome to an even sadder tragedy that, I daresay, has changed my community forever. But worst of all, quoting from a recent article in The Day newspaper:

…Police wrapped up their…investigation into the accident by charging the youth who hosted the party. Police captain Steven Smith said police do not expect to charge anyone else in the case.

The youth, whom police did not identify because state law bars the release of names of minors charged with all but the most serious crimes, received an infraction…for permitting a minor to possess liquor. The charge is part of a 2006 law that makes it illegal to knowingly permit a minor to possess alcohol in a home or on private property. Police declined to say what Lee’s blood alcohol level was at the time of the crash. [That information was released in a later article.]

Police said the youth, whom they would not identify as a boy or girl, can pay a $146 fine or appeal the infraction in court.

That puts the value of each life taken in this tragedy at ~$48.67, if we are counting dollars. I think I would rather count mistakes.

For two additional articles about this situation, click here and here.

Advice from Mom

What’s Next?!

WARNING: This particular entry contains wording from a quote that some may consider a bit explicit.

I don’t think it is a big secret amongst my friends and acquaintances that I disagree with the way the German state handles various issues, like homeschooling. Now, an article on LifeSiteNews.com (that I came across while reading Principled Discovery) shows just how far the German government has fallen into the pit of moral bankruptcy, at least in my opinion. Apparently, the German Federal Health Education Center, or Bundeszentrale für gesundheitliche Aufklärung, has published two forty-page booklets entitled “Love, Body and Playing Doctor.” Directed at the parents of very young children, pre-schoolers, and Kindergarteners, these brochures offer advice like this:

Fathers do not devote enough attention to the clitoris and vagina of their daughters. Their caresses too seldom pertain to these regions, while this is the only way the girls can develop a sense of pride in their sex.

Reportedly, the booklet goes on to say:

The child touches all parts of their father’s body, sometimes arousing him. The father should do the same.

Excuse me if I think this sounds more like a guidebook for pedophiles than advice for the parents of young children. Even more frightening, the booklets received a 93% approval rating from a sample of parents, educators, and child psychologists who prescreened them prior to publication.

I guess G. K. Chesterton was right:

“When men cease to believe in God, they do not thereafter believe in nothing; they then become capable of believing anything.”

No Diapers!

Some time ago, on Nightline, the “Sign of the Times” segment profiled a support group for parents (translation: moms) who have chosen to raise their children sans diapers. News flash: this is not a new idea. My daughter is sixteen and when she was potty training (oh so many years ago), I had friends who used this method with their kids. For the most part, it works but…

- you must be at home with your child
- you must pay close attention to your child
- you must have patience with your child (an abundant supply of patience)
- you must be ok with an occasional “mess” (if you know what I mean)

I tried this method with Katherine the Great for about a week and determined that it wasn’t for me. Back then, I was much too structured for the “wait and watch” approach. It depended too much on me hovering over my daughter. I decided that if I was going to hover, I preferred to “play helicopter” about reading rather than going potty. As a result, I spent much more time curled up on the couch perusing Katy and the Big Snow by Virginia Lee Burton and Alphabeasts by Dick King-Smith, rather than running for the bathroom. To each his own, I guess.

Yellow Poop

Warning: Do not read during lunch or if squeamish.

Yesterday, The UmBlog referenced a story on the Fat Cyclist about one of the many pleasures of parenthood --- sick, vomiting children. At the end of his entry, Mr. Cyclist asked readers to send in their own “barf” tales. With 49 responses thus far on Fat Cylist, I decided to post my icky story here instead.

Katherine the Great was about two years old. It was 7:00 AM and I decided to take care of some early shopping errands at Bradlees, a now defunct discount store. Having finished breakfast (that included scrambled eggs), we headed to the Shopping Plaza. Part way through the store, Miss Katherine began to complain about a “tummy ache.” As I progressed through the store, these grumblings only got worse, so I cut my trip short and drove home. Upon pulling in the driveway and opening the door next to my toddler, the “tummy ache” began to manifest itself as projectile vomit. Do you have any idea what scrambled eggs look like after only 30 minutes or so in the stomach of a toddler? They are almost entirely unchanged. It is amazing.

Now, since my daughter was rarely sick, this was her first adventure with vomit, and she did not like the way it felt (or looked). Also, she understood that her body produced only one type of solid matter --- poop. In addition, since scrambled eggs are yellow, the vomit was yellow. So, naturally, she named the vomit “yellow poop.” For the rest of the day, every time she felt that tingly feeling in her cheeks that meant she was about to upchuck, Miss Katherine would cry and yell, “No more yellow poop, Mommy. No more yellow poop.”

To this day, my daughter has only vague recollections of this incident. Thank goodness, because it is emblazoned on my memory as one of the grossest, yet most adorable days of my parenting career. Motherhood, who knew?

Driving Restrictions For All

In light of a fatal local automobile accident involving a 16-year-old boy and considering the fact that my 16-year-old daughter will soon be in this group of young drivers, I thought other parents in my part of southern New England might be interested in knowing the restrictions for teenage drivers in Connecticut.

After getting a license, 16- and 17-year-olds will have passenger restrictions during the first six months of driving. Other restrictions apply until a driver is 18.

- Passenger restrictions for first three months: Only parents or legal guardians (at least one of whom holds a license), or not more than one passenger who is a driving instructor licensed by the DMV, or a person who is at least 20 years old who has had a license for four years and has not had his or her license suspended during that period.

- Passenger restrictions during the second three months: The only additional passengers are members of the teenage driver’s immediate family.

- Until age 18, teenage drivers may not transport more passengers than the number of seat belts in the vehicle.

- Any driver issued a motorcycle endorsement may not transport a passenger for the first six months.

- Driving is prohibited between the hours of midnight and 5 a.m. unless the teenager is traveling for employment, school, religious activities or for a medical necessity, or if he of she is an assigned driver in a Safe Ride program.

- These restrictions do not apply to active members of a volunteer fire company or department, a volunteer ambulance service or company, or an emergency medical service organization who are responding to emergency calls.

- Until 18, teenage drivers may not use cell phones, even if they are “hands-free,” or mobile electronic devices while driving. A “mobile electronic device” includes any hand-held computer or other device with any type of video display.

Frankly, I am a little confused by the restriction that teenage drivers may not transport more passengers than the number of seat belts in a vehicle. That seems like common sense for any driver, not just teenagers: four seat belts, four people in the car. What confuses me even more is a statement by a young friend of the boy who died, a statement that was published in a letter to the editor of The Day newspaper:

I do not know of one person who has followed the two laws that The Day accused Cam [the decedent] of defying.

The two laws referred to in this statement are the restriction about driving after midnight and the restriction about driving with passengers in the car. If I am to believe the young person who wrote this letter, then a majority of our local teens are habitually violating the driving laws. Also, the implication of this statement is that local parents are either unaware of this illegal activity or are complicit in the violation of the aforementioned driving restrictions (please note, I count silence and lack of intervention as complicity). If so, then all I have say is, poor form all around, folks. For the sake of everyone, obey and enforce these restrictions. They exist for our safety and protection. If they had been followed last Sunday, three people might still be alive.

List of driving restrictions was copied from an article in The Day newspaper, January 31, 2007.

The Ten O’Clock Rule

This Sunday past (1/28/07), a horrible auto accident occurred on the freeway overpass two exits from my house. Three people were killed, including a 16-year-old boy who had just gotten his driver’s license in November 2006. This was, by all accounts, his first winter behind the wheel, which could explain why he didn’t realize that the bridge he ventured onto was frozen and covered with black ice, even though the adjacent roadway remained clear. The crash also involved a fire upon impact. Like I said, pretty horrible.

Tragedies such as this are always so … well, tragic … not just because they rob someone of life, but because they rob an individual of life at such a young age. In this case, the story becomes even more agonizing because the young man who died was driving illegally. The driver’s license he possessed had some limitations, namely, that he wasn’t supposed to drive after midnight (the accident occurred at 1:30 AM) and he wasn’t supposed to have passengers in his vehicle (the sole survivor of the crash is the decedent’s friend, another 16-year old boy). The other victims were 52- and 33-years old respectively, two gentlemen who were heading home after work at Foxwoods casino. One of the men leaves behind children under the age of five. Now, because insurance companies and our legal system work the way they do, the possibility exists that the parents of this young driver may be held accountable, criminally, civilly, and financially, for the actions of the son they mourn.

Excluding the concomitant legal issues, I am no stranger to this type of scenario. As a middle school student, my cousin, who lived three blocks southwest of my house, drowned in the lake three blocks west of my home. As a high school student, my graduating class was the only one for a number of years that matriculated intact. The classes before me and after me all lost young people to accidental death. Being from Minnesota, a number of these mishaps involved either farm equipment, thin lake ice, or firearms during hunting season (hence, the reason my school offered gun safety classes in eighth grade). A nighttime boating mishap on one of the local lakes (there are five in my hometown) took several students at one time. An auto accident en route from a sports competition killed a star player on our girls basketball team. That crash occurred directly in front of the team bus. Five members of our gymnastics team were injured and one was killed, the result of a car crash directly across the street from the coach’s home. No matter when or where it happened, no matter how many people perished, it was tragic.

Yet, one lesson I learned from my exposure to these incidents was that life gets riskier after 10:00 PM. More drunken, or sleepy, drivers are on the road; weather conditions are more difficult to assess because of falling temperatures and reduced visibility; and the darkness alone makes it more difficult to observe hazards (dredge buoys on a lake, for example). To keep me safer, because no one is ever perfectly safe, my parents instituted what I refer to as the Ten O’Clock Rule: since the risk of exposure to dangerous or non-edifying life events increases dramatically after 10:00 PM, you need to be in the house at that hour. The only exception to this rule was if I was out with my parents, or another set of parents, attending some pre-approved event (e.g., basketball game, concert, etc.) at which I would be chaperoned and from which I would be escorted home. A corollary to the Ten O’Clock Rule was the Courtesy Call Rule: whenever you change locations, call your parents to inform them of your new planetary coordinates. That meant that if I left school and walked to the mall, I had to call home to inform someone of my whereabouts; or if I left a concert and went for ice cream, I had to ring home.

Now before you jump to the conclusion that my parents were ridiculously strict, let me add that these were the ONLY two hard-and-fast rules in my house. What I read was never censored; what I said was never discounted, ignored, or taken as unimportant. It had to be politely delivered, but it was never discounted. I understood that these rules were for my safety, protection, and education. I didn’t always like the rules and sometimes I would express my opinion about them but, ultimately, I understood that my parents were just doing their job.

If only the boy who died on Sunday had observed the Ten O-Clock Rule.

Great Parenting Resource

Yesterday at Malta, I spoke with the mother of an almost three-year-old little boy who is, by any description, all boy. He’s great: energetic, inquisitive, smart…spirited. He reminds me very much of my daughter at that age. Challenging, yet entirely enjoyable. If you have some of these little gems at your house and they make you a little crazy sometimes, may I recommend a parenting resource that worked well for my family (and still does): Winning at Parenting Without Beating Your Kids by Barbara Coloroso. Her basic philosophy is that, through the use of natural and logical consequences, it is possible to help your children develop an inner discipline that will work to reduce rebellion and, consequently, protect them from the dangers of alcohol, drugs, and promiscuity; the idea being that it is difficult to rebel when, in order to rebel, you must rebel against your own decisions.

While this resource does not necessarily espouse a Christian worldview, the idea of inner discipline seems very Christian, at least to me. After all, who is the Holy Spirit but that internal voice that works in us to direct our behavior toward that which is pleasing to God? I can’t say how well this system will work at your house. I can say that, in my home, Winning at Parenting Without Beating Your Kids, in conjunction with regular Bible study, church attendance, and service to others, has worked well for over 14 years.

Check out more parenting resources at Kids Are Worth It.

Voting as a Rite of Passage

This morning during breakfast, my sixteen-year-old daughter informed me that of the three rites of passage into adulthood --- learning to drive, reaching the legal drinking age, and getting to vote --- she really wants to be able to vote. “I feel so helpless watching other people cast their ballots,” she said. “I want to vote more than I want to drive a car.” Fortunately, she didn’t mention anything about the drinking age. :-)

Being the owner of a degree in Political Science, hearing my child express the desire to participate in the American political process is like the owner of Janet’s Planet feeling joy at her daughter’s first composition (see Chloe's Debut Story on Janet's Planet). It is music to my heart. I shouldn’t be surprised by this tune, however. I have dragged my daughter to polling places since she was born. Every two years, I would close the voting booth curtains with the big red handle and explain to her what I was doing by pulling all the levers. When she was younger, I think she just liked to help make the red arrows appear, the result of pulling a lever to cast a vote for a particular candidate. As she grew, I gave her the job of pulling the red handle to close the curtains and, again, to open the curtains and cast my vote. And, of course, there were the “I Voted Today” stickers that the election officials handed out to everyone. Those were always a big hit.

I guess at some point, voting became fun. It was a place to play “levers and stickers.” As the years passed, however, and (I’m sure) thanks to the influence of constant news and political discussions at home, my daughter realized that voting was a powerful tool for making her voice heard amongst the throng of so many other voices clamoring for attention. One election expert claims that the election nearest a child’s tenth birthday is the most powerful in shaping his/her attitude about voting (see Engage Children in Election Education). For my daughter, that was the 2000 Presidential campaign. No wonder voting made such an impression on her! That campaign left an impression on all of us, but I digress…

Today, my prayer for Katherine the Great is that, as she ages and observes the political process more closely as an adult, her faith in the ability to have a say continues to shine with as much enthusiasm as it did this morning at the breakfast table.
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Two articles with ideas for teaching children about elections:

Books for Teaching About Elections by Genia Connell
Use Children’s Literature to Teach About Elections by Lauren Gattilia

Children Learn What YOU Live

I wrote this short article for the October issue of The Courier, the CHOOSE CT homeschooling newsletter.

Recently, I read an article from Home Education Magazine entitled “Getting the Support You Need Without a Formal Support Group” where the author stated that she eschews support group membership for several reasons, most of which I considered selfish, but that is beside the point. The article made me consider why I belong to a support group. While I could probably give multiple reasons, due to space considerations, I will discuss only one: children learn what YOU live.

Demographers increasingly tell us that our culture is becoming more connected via the Internet, yet more disconnected on a face-to-face basis. Certain segments of our society are requiring more social services (the delivery of which often depends on volunteers), yet membership in volunteer organizations is plummeting. We are told that life in America is changing at breakneck speed, yet our ability to cope with such change is declining. We are lonelier, needier, and more stressed-out than ever.

As parents who are building the next generation of grown-ups, how do we combat loneliness, neediness and stress? We need to demonstrate, or LIVE, the needed skills now:

- Love your neighbor as yourself: spend time with real people, some of whom may be hand-selected friends and some of whom may be in need of friendship. Work at creating and maintaining a broad-based social support system. It is difficult to love your neighbor if you never see him, and it is difficult to be lonely if you stay connected. A support group provides this connection.

- Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you: it is so efficient to write a check when help is needed, but actually contributing your time and talents is so much more rewarding, and it addresses both loneliness and neediness. You are physically present to love your neighbor, and you are meeting his needs through your service. It is difficult to serve others if you never extend yourself in service. A support group provides the opportunity to serve and to be served (if necessary).

- Be anxious for nothing: it is so easy to stress in our culture. The media constantly bombards us with images and advice (mine included) that create expectations of how we should look, what we should accomplish, and how we should behave. It is all just too much! So, what to do? Look to the Lord for your expectations. Discuss it with Him in prayer. Seek counsel from other believers. And, let your kids see you do it! A support group provides such counsel and prayer opportunities.

Be a joiner! Let your kids see you contribute, not just in your church but in your community as well. Let the Lord set your standards and take everything to Him in prayer. God bless.

After visiting Janet's Planet this morning, I would like to share a verse with you that she added to the end of a recent post:

Give liberally and be ungrudging when you do so, for on this account the Lord your God will bless you in all your work and in all that you undertake. Since there will never cease to be some in need on the earth, I therefore command you.. "Open your hand to the poor and needy neighbor in your land." --- Deuteronomy 15:10-11 NRSV

I Gave Birth to My Husband’s Brain

Several days ago, my 16-year-old daughter and I drove to her piano lesson in Gales Ferry, a town approximately 15 minutes north of our house. When we arrived, the teacher’s home was dark with a closed garage and a shuttered front entry. Usually the home is well lit with an open garage and a front entry that stands ajar, through which the scheduled students quietly enter to await their turn at the piano.

“Do you have lessons today?” I asked.

This inquiry was followed by a look of what could only be called profound thoughtfulness, accompanied by that rapid eye movement indicative of a brain being searched for any shred of information that may help in answering the posed question.

“The teacher may have mentioned something about not having lessons today, but I’m not sure,” she answered sheepishly.

At this point, I requested that my daughter knock on the front door to see if anyone was home, which she did. No answer. I encouraged her to check the garage to see if the teacher’s car was gone. No car. Clearly, no one was home, so we left…sans piano lesson.

What ensued was a conversation about being more responsible to communicate schedule information, with me suggesting she get a Palm Pilot in which to record her events. She explained how that wasn’t necessary, that a small notepad would suffice. As the conversation continued with her explaining how she remembers information (or doesn’t remember it, as the case may be), suddenly it dawned on me that she thinks like her father. Aarrgghh!

Now, because my daughter does well in music, math, and literature (as I do), and has a tremendous memory for facts and figures (as I do), I assumed she had more characteristics of my brain and my way of processing information…apparently not. Apparently, this lack of ability to retain schedule information is a characteristic she inherited from my husband, along with an inability to recall names and faces after only one meeting. Having grown up with a father who worked as a meatcutter and had almost perfect recall of customers’ names, faces, and regular orders, I find her lack of recall disturbing, especially since this same child can tell me the conjugation of almost every Latin verb ever created and the classification of almost every animal known to man. Nope, personally, I think it is a matter of selective amnesia. If remembering and communicating schedule information was important to her, or more interesting, it would be filed away somewhere in that magnificent teenage brain.

So, how do we solve this problem? That is an issue we are still working on. I will let you know what we arrive at in the way of a solution.