Shopping Frustration

Recently, I went clothes shopping in a brick-and-mortar store for the first time in longer than I care to admit and came to the conclusion that I am either old or not a fashionista. Since I am a late baby boomer (born in 1961), I certainly cannot admit to the former, so my status must be the latter. This certainly comes as no surprise to my middle-aged women friends who routinely see me wearing jeans, a white polo shirt (or turtleneck, depending on the season), and white tennis shoes (the Keds kind); a pretty blah wardrobe, to be sure, which is why I went shopping --- quite unsuccessfully, I might add.

How is it that in this age of choice and the no-fashion-rules, wear-whatever-you-feel-comfortable-in attitude, can I not find a single pair of pants cut for a “normal” person? Apparently, regardless of size or weight restrictions, I am supposed to strut my stuff in a pair of below-the-waist, slim cut chinos with a rise shorter than the length of daughter’s geometry protractor. Here’s a news flash for the designers, once some woman have children, a 34-inch hip measurement is physically impossible, thank you very much. What would these fonts of fashion wisdom suggest I do, have my skeleton altered to wear their latest creations? Liposuction to reduce my hips would be one thing, but having my hip bones physically narrowed is a surgical procedure I’m not certain even exists yet (not that I would undergo such an operation were it actually available).

And when did the only colors available land in that part of the spectrum between fecal brown, bile yellow, and Halloween orange? Having worked in retail for a number of years before birthing children, I understand that the so-called fashionable colors come and go, but I don’t recall an almost complete absence of the basics. Whatever happened to the tried and true classics of navy, black, gray, and hunter green? Ok, to be fair, I did find one navy blue zip cardigan that was flecked with multicolored yarn to create a tweed effect, but the fabric content was such that it left a trail of lint on my shirt that, if it were cheese, a mouse could use it to find his way back to my pantry.

That brings me to another bone of contention: when did manufacturers stop using natural fibers in their clothing? If I find one more “cotton” blouse that is laced with Tencel or some other man-made substance touted to end wrinkles, I am going to scream. This synthetic fiber is supposed to eliminate my need for ironing? What a joke!!! I own a Tencel dress that requires ironing every time I wear it. Somehow, somewhere, sometime, it got wrinkled and instead of eliminating the wrinkles, the Tencel managed to set every crinkle in the universe into my outfit as though the creases needed to be preserved for eternity. Also, why do all the knit shirts require Spandex as an ingredient? At this point in my life, the last feature I want in my clothing is a tighter fit. Big clue for the fashion district: “form fitting” or “figure hugging” are not selling points, or at least shouldn’t be selling points, for clothes in a society where 62% of the population is classified as overweight and, of that group, 34% are obese.

I wasn’t always so averse to incorporating the latest fashion trends into my wardrobe (after all, I used to be a manager at The Gap), but since becoming a parent, I really have much more important tasks on my mind, and on my to-do list, than trolling the fashion magazines and websites for the hottest new look (do they even market something “hot” for women over forty? I’m guessing not.). All I want is a classic look with clean styling. Does that even exist anymore and, if so, where? I certainly hope it exists; otherwise, I may be living in jeans and a white turtleneck for a very, very long time.



Shopping suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Please leave them in the comments section.